Different Types of Narcissism

Today we are talking about narcissism. What is narcissism, you ask? Narcissism is described as extreme self-involvement to the degree that it makes a person ignore the needs of those around them. While everyone can show signs of narcissistic behavior, a true narcissist has difficulty understanding how their self-absorbed behavior affects other people, and they will frequently disregard the feelings of others.

Did you know that not all narcissism is the same? In this blog, we’ll discuss two different presentations of narcissism: grandiose and vulnerable. 

✨There are some significant differences in how the types of narcissism play out, but the underlying drive is the same: the desire to be admired. All narcissism is deeply driven by a need to be seen and validated, often at the expense of others’ feeling that they have a voice, an opinion that matters, or a valid experience.

Grandiose Narcissism

✨Grandiose narcissism is probably what you’re used to seeing in media and cough politics. It's grandiose and demanding- grabs for attention that can feel emotionally assaultive to others. Some folks might compare this behavior to a spoiled child.

• Grandiose sense of self: exaggerates accomplishments and abilities

• Manipulative: takes advantage of others in relationships

• Traits are seen as “overt”: grandiose narcissists aren’t subtle

• View others as envious of them

• Oblivious: not self-aware of their actions and relationship patterns

• Exhibitionistic: shows off their talents

• Arrogant

• Lacks empathy for others

Grandiose narcissists visibly demonstrate the traits that most people associate with narcissists. They are overt- they do not try to hide their grandiose opinion of themselves. They believe that others are jealous of their skills and lives. They lack empathy for others, and take advantage of people around them.

Vulnerable Narcissism

✨Vulnerable narcissism is a bit different. The underlying drive is the same, but there’s a bit of a different presentation. Vulnerable narcissists typically present as depressed, vulnerable, lonely, and suffering. But when you look at the suffering, most of it is pointed towards how people treat them because it falls short of their narcissistic expectation of being seen and validated in a near-constant manner.

• Very social but have difficulty maintaining deep relationships

• Also called “covert”: behaviors may not be easily identifiable

• Different rules for self and others

• So focused on themselves that they don’t pay attention to the needs of others

• Envious of others by social comparison

• Thin-skinned: very sensitive to the criticism of others

• Requires a lot of attention

Vulnerable narcissists view themselves as victims. They require a lot of social interaction and attention from others. If they don’t get the attention they think they deserve, they will act like a martyr.

Whatever the presentation of the narcissist, they may perpetrate narcissistic abuse. If you have experienced narcissistic abuse, we have lots of resources available to help you recover.

Survivors: Have you been in a relationship with a narcissist and you find yourself confused, overwhelmed, and lost in how to manage your relationship with them?

Whether you are co-parenting, partnered with, or parented by someone with narcissism, this is a science-packed perspective on the disorder and how it functions in relationships. Learn evidence-based tools for manage narcissism in relationships and protecting yourself from gaslighting and confusion. Check out our Narcissism Abuse Masterclass.

Therapists: If you are interested in learning more about how narcissism works in cult environments, we have a curated training program for therapists and clinicians that does just that. Join us for our education and consultation group each month in A Year of Non-Magical Thinking for Therapists, where we unpack the way that cult and religious groups work and how you can best support your clients in their recovery (hint: we have a whole month on narcissistic abuse in leadership and you don't want to miss that). Join us today.