Ways to Manage Discouragement in Your Codependency Journey

Codependent folks are hard workers. When you learn that you have a tricky relational dynamic, your instinct to work hard to change those patterns kicks into high gear. You were already tired before you started the healing journey, and that’s likely how you discovered codependency; by furiously researching fatigue and overwhelm in relationships despite working hard to keep everything calm and consistent.

Healing is cyclical, and eventually, we find ourselves stuck in our codependency journey or disappointed with the improvements we have made thus far.  If you find yourself in that space, here’s some reminders to help you better manage that disappointment:

1️⃣ These things do, in fact, take time.

You don't get any medals by being the fastest person to change your codependent cycles. You do, however, reclaim some of your own mental health by making small changes over time, and that's the whole point. 

Practice a shift in perspective. Reflect on how far you’ve come and on all of the meaningful changes you’ve been able to make in this journey thus far. You have definitely made some changes, so spend some time reflecting on how brave you’ve been in changing a lifelong pattern.  

2️⃣ In Codependency you’ll push past exhaustion to keep working. 

So instead, maybe the real task is to just rest. I mean it-- just rest. That's literally the thing that most codependent folks need. 

You might need to start by scheduling in times of rest.  Turn off that computer, silence those phone notifications, find some calm place to sit for a while, etc.  You must honor your need to rest or this whole codependent cycle will continue.  It's important. You are important. 

3️⃣ Start with just one boundary.

Again, there are no prizes for doing all the boundary work in one day. 

Just start small and practice with one boundary that feels approachable to you. It can be as simple as honoring that rest time I just encouraged you to take or it can be delaying how quickly you respond to frantic messages from your chaotic friend or loved one. But that’s it.  No rushing into changing every limit and expectation in your relationships by tomorrow. That’ll be too disruptive.  Slow and steady wins the race here.  

As you read this, reflect on what you might need today.  Do you need perspective on time, rest, or one boundary?  Let's do a little something about that right now. 

Survivors: If you are nodding your head "yes" to wanting more practical tips on how to manage your codependency, I'd suggest our codependency workbook, Healing Codependency. It's a 10-week, step-by-step process of looking at your codependent patterns and finding realistic ways to manage your people-pleasing impulses. If you are ready to start feeling regulated and calm in your body again, we have an excellent course on nervous system regulation.  Join us for Regulated: A Nervous System Course to learn skills for regulating today.